Thought Disorder

Monday, November 30, 2009

1 day to complete liberation, and obtaining a guilt-free license to slack!!!

Meanwhile, I'm really feeling quite screwed for my last paper. I can't remember anything now; nothing is in my head, and I'm not really doing anything to salvage the bad situation. Ahh FML! Time to get back to studying :(

3:35 PM

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Today was such a slack day!!! :(

I woke up in the morning close to 10am. Then I went downstairs to drink Milo, not forgetting to watch 与敌同行 until about 11am. (Side note: OMG 与敌同行 is so so so good! Must watch after A's!!!) Then I went upstairs to study, err I mean read my CSC notes. As usual, I felt so distracted. Most of the time I would only read a few lines and try to register what I just read. Then I will stone, stare into blank space, check my phone, think of something else...until I finally remember that I'm reading my notes =.= This vicious cycle occurs for another 30 - 45 minutes, until my mom called me to cook lunch for my dad. So I went down to cook lunch, and ended up cooking lunch for myself too. Then I continued watching TV until 1pm or so, and went back upstairs to "read" my notes. I think it was about 3pm when I went downstairs again, and watched A Star's Lover until 6pm!!! Omg I'm really super good at this...

OKAY I shall go read Monocle now and watch Kpop MVs on Youtube :)

SO EXCITED FOR TUESDAY TO COME!!! :) I can kiss all my notes goodbye then :) And slack fully without a single hint of guilt :)

10:45 PM

:')

You're Beautiful is finally over!!! Ends my many weeks of chasing the recaps, before A's started to now, whereby A's are gonna end in approximately 3 days' time! Freaking awesome show with super good eye candy. Jang Geun Suk is way way cool and Lee Hong Ki is super cute! :') Okay I haven't watched the show yet except for episode 1, but I read all the recaps and felt so exhilarated. Really love their fictional band A.N. JELL and the songs they sang in the show :') Can't help watching fanvids now at their last mini concert and for BTS. Super damn nice and super damn funny! Anyway I really think Lee Hong Ki (FT Island) can sing damn well!!! And he's only 19. How awesome is that! Cute and talented :') Can't wait to watch it all after A's :) And buy the DVD so I can watch it HD ;D

I'm quite screwed for CSC imo. Sigh. Just keep getting so distracted reading my notes everyday. The days are passing so quickly! And my progress has slowed down significantly everyday. Nothing has been committed to memory yet. Plus I keep forgetting that I'm still in the midst of A's! It felt like more than a week has passed since Chem, and that A's are really over for me. Fat hope. Truth is, I still have 3 big fat essays waiting for me!!! Argh this makes me so crazy now. I also need to read Monocle in preparation for Wednesday. I better buck up and stop my fangirlism =.=

Still, IT'S 3 FREAKING DAYS TO THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The liberating moment I have been waiting for these 2 years :)

12:14 AM

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

我的天啊

郁闷

经过两天残忍的决斗，我真的败给了我的 CSC notes。什么家庭联产承包责任制、国企改革、乡镇企业，长篇大论的资料真得让我感到好烦呀！！！一，我看资料很容易分神；二，我看来看去也是看不懂；三，我看资料的速度如蜗牛。这样下去，下个星期二考试一定惨败。更不要说到中国留学四年。还要修经济科！真是不切实际。

别说了，还是回去继续与资料奋斗！！！

3:47 PM

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

My face is so itchy now!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think it's the new pimple cream I bought :(

Anyway studying CSC is the worst thing ever... :(

I'm only reading through my notes and this already took me forever and I always feel so distracted. I either went to eat, to use the computer (like now) or to sleep. Maybe it's because I'm reading politics today? But to tell the truth, I really had a hard time scrutinising the notes. The font is so small and made me feel like I'm swimming in a sea of Chinese words. Help!!! This really makes me reconsider whether to study in China or not. I'm always so fickle.

HK or no HK???? I better decide soon!!! :( It's so appealing though.

10:09 PM

Monday, November 23, 2009

Chem = 失败
Econs = 惨败

真的？？？
假的？？？

不要说我骗人。明年2010年3月我们就知道了！既兴奋又紧张，真是矛盾。哈哈。希望一切顺利，能如我所愿。

下个星期二考（最后一天）考我最“喜欢”的中国通识，但是我还没开始读呢，现在还在上网谈天。等一下就要去整理我那堆积如山的CSC资料。明天开始要跟我的extra notes奋斗到底！！！我要抱着积极的态度面对它们~ 加油大家！多一个考试我们就能享受四个月的自由~ 可以看连续剧看到爽~ 好开心 :) :) :) 四个月后，我们与我们的成绩单有约。但是现在感觉好轻松（但我从很久以前就开始感到轻松了！）因为只有CSC剩。^-^

爽

10:08 PM

Saturday, November 21, 2009

I'M SERIOUSLY DAMN GOOD AT PROCRASTINATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This morning I woke up and I watched 与敌同行 on Channel 55 for more than 3 hours. It's really super awesome and addictive, plus Channel 55 was airing it continuously for hours. So I couldn't curb the temptation of watching. Ahh. I predict it will be the exact same situation tomorrow morning when I watch 少年四大名捕 oh nooooooooooo :( I'm seriously going to spam HK and K dramas after A's!!! Shall create a drama watchlist later :) And in the afternoon I wasted 3 hours at the mall again. Omg I'm really.......dead shit. 2 papers left!!!!! I seriously need to salvage Chem on Monday!!! Yet I'm already in a holiday mode! Must study like crazy into the night later :( 加油加油加油！Okay I shall go and spam Chem MCQs now or else I'll be fried pancake on Monday.

6:25 PM

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I just had the ultimate horrendous paper in my whole life. Never seen such an Econs paper before. I just totally screwed up ): ): ): Even the supposed easier question relative to the other questions. Goodbye my A grade!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So much for working so hard. It all comes down to nothing. And it all means nothing. All I can do is to pray like crazy now.

5:51 PM

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Today was bad bad bad I FFFFing screwed up the paper :( :( :( :( That's like how many percent gone?!

Should have studied that set of Fing notes more comprehensively. I totally paid the price.

At this point in time I only have two thoughts:
1. If I do badly, what should I do? Go join the Design industry? (it is boomzing) Study some kuku major in Singapore? Retake? I really hate the retake option because I'm freaking burnt out and I don't want this cycle to repeat again and it's a damn waste of $$$$
2. I shouldn't brood over it and I should be working hard for Econs and damn-shit-F CSC which are my 2 papers tomorrow. Argh.

Econs essay tomorrow is scary!!! IF I SURVIVE TOMORROW I'M A HERO. It will be over soon ahhh!!

9:20 PM

Saturday, November 14, 2009

End of Week 1 Review

OK I'm really awesome at procrastinating ahhhhhhh

ANYWAY, I'm so glad that the first week of A's are over! It didn't really feel like anything though. Just felt like some normal exam and it wasn't that freaky after all. To think a year ago I was feeling highly disturbed and jittery picturing myself taking A's for real. I think I can make a short review on the first week of A's now!

My first paper was Math P1, an afternoon paper, which went okay for me except functions. Goodbye 8 marks!!! I spent about 15 minutes trying to crack my head for a solution but to no avail. So I decided it was more productive to check my answers rather than to solve a near-impossible question. Initially, I couldn't solve the first question, so I skipped it. Then I made some errors in Q2 and I skipped it again!!! Y'know that kind of panicky feeling. I literally had this "OMG I'M SO DEAD!!!!" thought in my head. Q3 was the first question I really knew how to solve. Uh then Q4, the functions question, made me go =.= once again and I skipped it again. That really dampened my morale for a start. Fortunately the back questions were manageable. I think I lost some marks here and there though. But that's alright I guess! :)

The second paper was GP which was the ultimate paper of my life. Seriously. It's the WORST and most DREADED paper of all. And it was a morning paper at an unearthly 8AM. I had to crawl out of bed at about 5.30AM for 3 consecutive days because I had 8AM papers for the two subsequent days. Anyway, that morning I had a stomachache before the ultimate paper, and that started my series of crazy morning sickness which lasted for a few solid days (it was so bad this morning). The paper was.............I don't know. When I flipped P1 over, I was just like O_O. I took quite long to decide which question to pick, and I think I didn't pick the right/better question that could better display my abilities. Compre didn't go very well either. I think I didn't do well.

Chem P3 for the third day. Before I left home, I really felt like puking when I was eating a small portion of breakfast. My stomach didn't feel very well that morning. I missed the earlier 158 bus despite an almost-successful attempt to catch the bus =.= When the bus reached school and I alighted, I really really really felt like puking and I think I almost did. It was about 7.40AM then? I rushed to the toilet to relieve myself and was feeling rather unwell before I entered the exam hall. Thankfully, no puking/weird churning in stomach during the exam. Chem P3 was still alright for me. I think I lost a few small and not-so-small marks here and there which can amount to BIG marks. :( Who knows!

MATH P2 TODAY! (FRIDAY) I'm so glad that Math is finally over because I really H8H8H8H8 STATS especially P&C and probability. The probability of me getting such questions wrong is greater than 0.5 and that's not a very nice feeling!!! So I'm really happy that they are out of my life forever, banished to the realms of hell! :) Okay but the morning didn't go well for me today! I rushed to catch the 158 bus today and was literally running for my life. I almost puked before I reached the bus stop. Then I really felt so horrible when I was on the bus and even just before the exam!!! :( My body is really awesome, I swear. Weirdly, I was very focused for today's exam. I reckon it's because I didn't feel very well right before the exam and wasn't in the mood for chatter with anyone, not to say harbour feelings of fear and anxiety. What an irony. Anyway I thought the paper was alright too, but I lost a few marks here and there. I'm so glad that I didn't lose many marks for P&C which I just solved using tons of courage and gut, and that probability was easy and not confusing because it was probability tree and not stupid scenarios which I ABHOR TO THE MAX.

After Math I finally went to see the doctor. I don't know what's the doctor's diagnosis but I just have medication. Now I'm feeling awesome again! :) I hope I don't feel like crap before the morning exams next week. Now it's time for sleep and more chionging tomorrow :( It will be over soon. 6 papers! AJA AJA FIGHTING!!!

1:06 AM

Monday, November 09, 2009

I REALLY THINK IT'S TIME FOR HIATUS

Till 1 December 2009!

I hope time will pass fast so that my papers can all fly pass :D Especially GP!!! :( I just need to be extra careful this Wednesday. I hope that I will do well and that our cohort will own other schools :D May all go well!

Goodbye blog! But I will still use the computer to read my emails, to surf Zaobao and catch the You're Beautiful recaps during the weekends. GOODBYE FOR NOW!!!!!

9:25 PM

Friday, November 06, 2009

CHECK OUT MY NEWEST ADDICTION!

The Beatles...?

Sort of a singing sensation which I'm highly hooked to =.=

Jang Geun Suk really portrays the character well. I think it's his natural looks? Pretty boy type and carries the sneer around. I found him so insanely familiar and then I realised that he was on Hong Gil Dong and was so awesome. I thought he was damn good looking in there!!!

Then again, Park Shin Hye (edit: WTH SHE'S ONLY 19!) really reminds me of Yoon Eun Hye in this show and I really cannot rid myself of perpetual thoughts of such striking resemblence. I also think that Lee Hong Ki (edit: AND HE'S ONLY 19!!!) is super cute too!!! In all, the characters are great and it will definitely work out for me (instead of Style - it almost killed me). Omg the stars are so young and it really makes me wonder what I'm doing with my life going crazy about A's.

AFTER A'S AFTER A'S AFTER A'S!!!!!! :)
I will also get the DVD when it's out in the market for collection because it's simply awesome. I have only watched the first episode and it was so amusing for me.

But I have already read all the episode guides when it was "break" time and decided that this show is worthwhile. :) I will look forward to tomorrow afternoon because I can update myself with the latest episode :)

Okay I better attempt to salvage CSC now. I'm darn scared for GP anyway!!!!!!!!!!! *cross fingers and pray like hell* AHHHHHHH. I'm mired in a mixed state of delirium and calmness. It's extremely ridiculous. (I RHYME!) I can't wait for it to start and end!!!! BTW what should I eat tomorrow? I'm so frustrated because I don't know what to eat and I don't know why Chinese websites like to open every single link in a new tab! SO ANNOYING :(

12:00 AM

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

I have spent

8 x 365 x 18 = 52560 hours sleeping

and that is

52560 / (18 x 365 x 24) = 1/3 of my life

which is also 6 years of my life

So I have spent 6 years of my life sleeping

and will spend more in the time to come.

12:08 PM

Monday, November 02, 2009

I NEED A MIRACLE
I REALLY NEED A MIRACLE
I REALLY REALLY REALLY NEED A MIRACLE

FOR GP NEXT WEDNESDAY

I started panicking yesterday and this morning when I freaked out while doing Chem MCQ
WHO SAYS 'A' CHEM IS EASY HUH
Go eat your own shit

Anyway, I really 想通了. It doesn't matter THAT much if I don't score the desired results for A's. Life will not end like that. It will only become harder, and I'm sure I'll find a way out of it. Yet such a revelation has somehow caused me to lose steam (bad), slack (bad), lose motivation (bad) and feel less stress (good). I'm really just going to 抱着"平时如战时,战时如平时" mentality and enter the exam hall. I really hope it will work out. But actually my "平时" is not really going at full force now. So awesome huh. Okay I need a miracle lah seriously!!!!!!!! Prelim results and CTs are seriously not a good reflection of A Levels so everyone should stop being complacent and fawn over how well they did for the two exams. Oh my god okay I'm really going bonkers.

11:37 PM

About

Felicia studied in Dunman High School, loves elmo, is a major drama addict and is a cake lover. She has quit coffee even though she loves it.